REVIEW: Britney Spears, The Yale Herald, 12/3/04

Music Reviews
A farewell letter to Mrs. Federline
Britney Spears: Greatest Hits: My Prerogative

Dear Britney,

I've treated you horribly. I can't believe I joined the ranks of the US Weekly brigade thinking you were gone for good and marking the drop date of Lindsay Lohan's album on my calendar. I should've known your recent spiral into a steaming pile of white trash was your destiny. I mean you're in love! Now that JTim's got Cammy D., you've been able to find your real man. And he's a backup dancer! That must be so convenient. Tell Kevin Federline I say "Holla!" and send my love to the little ones, Shar Jackson's kids. Oh, and don't worry about what the magazines say about Shar. I don't have sympathy for her. I know she's just jealous of your mad skills.

That being said, I wanted to let you know I received a copy of your latest album, Greatest Hits: My Prerogative. You ask: "People can take everything away from you/But they can never take away your truth/But the question is... Can you handle mine?" I think you've proven once and for all you're the veritable Queen of Pop, and yes, we can. And to think I had shoved my copy of Oops! I Did it Again in between my Blaque and Willa Ford albums. How naïve I was! Your cover of "My Prerogative" is so hot that Bobby Brown will soon be snorting coke off of your platinum record. Some think it's too early for a greatest hits album. But let's be honest here. You're clearly stepping down from your throne and tossing both scepter and orb over your shoulder into the desperate hands (or perhaps, cleavage) of Ashlee, Hilary, and Lindsay. You're going out with a bang and making a few extra bucks to support your hubby. (And, of course, his kids! Brilliant.)

I only have one complaint. You put no effort into the two new songs! "(I've Just Begun) Having My Fun" lets us know the same thing you've been saying for years! We know you're rebellious, sexual, and like to have fun, if nothing else. We get it. "Do Somethin'" is only slightly better, but sounds like something picked out of Gwen Stefani's trash bin. The pseudo-rapping is really hilarious, though. I'd like to see more of that.

I can't help feeling nostalgic while listening to your Prerogative album. I've heard each of these songs a billion times, but when they're all strung together, the compilation is overpowering. I've come to realize that your hits have defined the teenage years of my generation. From "Baby One More Time" all the way to "Toxic," you kept us enraptured with consistently catchy beats and awesomely bad lyrics. It reminds me of the days when you still pretended to be a virgin, were dating Justin Timberlake before he was cool (you totally made him), and wore ridiculous belly-baring shirts and skin-tight cat suits.

I don't want to mislead you here: You've had a heinous track record this year. One 55-hour Vegas marriage, a canceled tour, affiliations with the devil (a.k.a. Fred Durst), and now "real" marriage? What's next? Kids? (Oh, wait, you're already a mom.) At least you got in shape for your latest video and album cover. When you really try, Brit, damn, girl looks fine! But, as reluctant as I am to admit the obvious, you're past your prime.

For the time being, we're still in mourning. But I can't say it wasn't fun while it lasted. And I'll still be anxiously waiting the end of your "break from music" to rock out with your comeback album.

Loyally yours (4-eva),

Celeste

© 2004 The Yale Herald | The Herald is an undergraduate publication at Yale University. | Please see the Contact page to reach us.