Future Predictions, The Yale Herald, 4/21/06

Excerpt from a Herald A&E Staff piece.

I’m going to assume that it’s not a coincidence that, when I was asked to write this, I had already watched two episodes of a My Super Sweet Sixteenmarathon. So here are the things that MTV would have me believe would make the future better (according to the episodes of My Super Sweet Sixteen that I happened to watch):

1.Bright pink poodles with nails to match.

2.Elaborate costume changes every half hour.

3.An appearance by Kanye West (or Diddy) (or both!)

4.A horse-drawn Cinderella carriage.

5.The constant presence of back-up dancers.

6.An ugly best friend who is clearly using me for my money. I guess a hot friend would work, too. As long as they’re using me for my money.

7.Parents who don’t really love me and think they can make up for it in presents.

8.One car for the weekdays, one for the weekends (top down, chrome spinnin’).

9.An ingrate for a daughter.

If this wouldn’t make the future better, I don’t know what would. Except maybe for more products and services from Google, or a time machine, if it still counts as the future, so I could go back and re-plan my Sweet Sixteen accordingly.